January 15, 2016

I have no idea what to do with myself. Is this real life?

I found myself looking at the clock while in bed this morning. Normally, I look at the small hand and big hand and know the time however this time I found myself following the movement of the line that counts the seconds. I did not even notice what time it was but I stopped and just looked at the seconds tick. It made me think... what am I doing right now? What should I suppose to do given the time I only have for the day. Is my to-do list long enough or short enough? Should I try to cross everything in my list or do the things I love instead? Lots of questions pop in my mind that I don't even know what my mind wants to state.

Then I remember the past years. It had gone by too fast but most things have been forgotten. I don't remember how exactly did I feel about each events... but I know how to explain it. It's confusing, I know. But I guess that's the beauty with time. It helps you move on from something even when you don't intend to move away. It heals.

Is this real life? I find myself doing more of the obligation than doing what I really want to do. However, doing what I want to do takes a lot of supposedly easy process but becomes complicated in the end. But we still want to do it because we have to do it and it gives us satisfaction (at least in just one aspect of your whole life). It's a good thing that we have breaks - for me at least two days. These mini-vacations we call weekends is precious for someone like me who loves focusing on what I do on weekdays.

Ah, I talk too much. I don't even know what I want to state in this letter. I feel like everything is not certain with myself. I have no idea what to do with myself. I just know I have to do stuff. And that's it. Is this real life? Is this how you feel about your life sometimes, too?

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