November 26, 2014

There was a time when I struggled to speak.



There was a time when I struggled to speak: back when I visited my father who was confined in a room full of beds. No one else was there except me, my father who was sleeping, some nurse from afar, empty beds, and different kinds of machines attached to his body.  I could have said everything I felt rather than just saying I'll go back home.

There was a time when I struggled to speak: when I got back that afternoon from the hospital and found the rest of my family crying in the kitchen. My father died minutes after I got out from the hospital. He was a great, brave man.

There was a time when I struggled to speak: after two years, my mother died. I realized I lost both of my parents. No words, just heavy breaths... and I still feel the same until now.

There was a time when I struggled to speak: when I came home from school carrying a pint of chocolate ice cream and a test paper with me. I could not speak anything but I've had some few breaths in between eating and crying over the test paper result.I thought it was the end of me but I was wrong.

There was a time when I struggled to speak: when I was commuting to school and pretending I have a flu so people won't notice some tears in my eyes. It was when I felt so irritated at home and I've got no one else to talk about it. I could just hug a stranger; if only I could.

There sure were times when I struggled to speak and those times were mostly the hardest things in my life so far. These things remind me that I am strong in times of weakness. These things, though once heavy, delivers strength at the present time. After all the things and feelings I have done and felt, I guess I have lived up to my Word for this year 2014: Brave. I wrote it carefully in my journal and all throughout the months passed, I have done and did things bravely.

At 24, I am still bad at decision making. In fact, I have a couple of things that I do regret but every good and bad decisions I made so far, I did it because I knew it was just the right thing. It's a jigsaw-kind of life and I will keep on finding the missing pieces bravely because that's what life is all about -- the journey.

2 comments:

  1. finding our voice, finding our authentic voice, is certainly part of this journey. it sure has and continues to be for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, our inner voices continues as long as we keep on going. :)

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