May 20, 2014

I feel at peace in the midst of so much change



After how many years of hoping for a change of lifestyle, I can finally say that I have achieved it now. Well, maybe, somehow. I don't know how it started -- no specific time and date, not even any magical moment -- but I can definitely differentiate the then and now. No, I had no brutal experiences but I sure had so many nights wasted on feeling alone and useless. It does help to let yourself get lost for a while because you always end up trying to find the best way to go and you somehow get to know yourself even more. Though there is no assurance if you end up somewhere all-things-happy, life does not evolve because of happiness alone anyway. There are always opposite sides in every thing in this world. Honestly, though I know things are a little bit different for the better, I still feel the same way but I learned how to deal with it. It's true that when you get older, you get wiser. That teenage angst will vanish in just a snap if you let it slip away and move further away from it instantly. I learned that I am the only one responsible of my feelings even when other people are involved or even when other people actually made the situation worst (I had a hard time understanding that). It depends on how you choose to react to it: laugh at it or take it seriously. You know your cue when to be serious or not. Sometimes I forget the lessons I have accumulated through the years and it makes me laugh at how forgetful I am. But the thing is, for every same problem I encounter, there is always a little bit of additional to its solution. Now that is where I get to learn new things, by stumbling on the same thing over and over. That makes me kind of excited at life, I guess. Because what else do I have to do with my life but to learn, make mistakes, learn, re-learn, laugh, cry, connect, re-connect, and feel among others.

I guess being 23 means being comfortable at how you are and discover more about yourself. I received a text message from an unknown person this morning and it says about feeling yourself, experiencing yourself, working on yourself, and loving yourself. And it somehow just reconnected to what was in my thoughts. By being in this state where everything changed slowly over time, I guess I should also move along by minding myself. It does not mean being selfish nor being self-centered but knowing more about yourself so you can be ready to connect or re-connect to anyone anytime by presenting yourself more than you used to.

2 comments:

  1. Yeah, so true about taking responsibility for one's own feelings... I have been aware of this for several years but occasionally it's challenging to apply it in the moment.

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    1. Usually, as how it goes for me, it takes me a while to think about what should I do. So when certain instances that needs immediate attention and responsibility, given it's a fairly hard one, I'd be stunned and shaken and just do what I have to do but still it's so difficult to handle and I end up unsatisfied or something.

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