October 7, 2013

In which I force myself to write down these feelings although I am too weary (and too sleepy) to do so.

I am finding it hard to write something here (or even in my journal) because I am losing interest in all things which is quite weird and sad because almost all of the things that I used to enjoy doing seem to be less interesting anymore. Whenever I feel the urge of doing one thing in my list, writing per se,  I'd get excited and then I feel weary. Not sure if everyone feels this way at a certain age but I am pretty sure that at least somebody out there is wondering what in the world is happening to them. I'd like to think that way because it freaks me out whenever I think I am alone in this trap. Could it be a health problem? Mental strain? Or maybe I am subconsciously bored as to how I am doing things differently but the same somehow; maybe I need something new in my life but then I really don't know what could give me satisfaction and bring back the power of being passionate and happy in doing something with meaning (or without... it does not matter to me, I guess. I can always formulate a meaning after I do some nonsense. But really... I miss the act of 'doing'. It's not like I have been sitting all day long. I work my ass off for sure but it's just so different.) THIS feeling is new to me and by that I am kind of scared (for sure) and thrilled because (I've been thinking that maybe) this could be a sign that I am (finally) getting busy working on adult stuff~ and I mean, important ones.

Nervous, excited, scared, clueless, vulnerable, brave, whatnot... I am feeling everything there is to feel right now and it has been going on for months. I don't know what is it that I am going through but once I find myself in a steady pace and figure all these out, I'd probably laugh at my self for being lost for a while. For now, I'll just let all these feelings be felt and I might not write anything in this blog (or read a book, or do things I used to enjoy, etc.) for a while because I can't write when I can't feel the urge to write. I am sure you know how it feels. It is quite ironic because I am writing my feelings down right now but to tell you honestly I am forcing myself to write this because I feel like I need to have something to read when I am done with this Whirlwind of Unsettled Emotions 2k13. After all, this is how I used to write;it is what this blog is all about during its early years. So, yeah.

4 comments:

  1. your first sentence describes how i feel perfectly. lately i feel lack or encouragement to write. too tired, have no idea, all those things. but maybe we should force it - like you did.

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    1. We need my creative juices back! :)

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  2. We all go through this multiple times in our lives. I know I have, and will probably have similar moments in the future. I suppose it is time for you to throw that list out. It is not exciting anymore. It is time for you to make a new list. Perhaps it is time for you to take a break from it all.

    But I assure you, it'll get better. It did for me. You are not alone :-).

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    1. I disregarded my list for a while. I didn't look at it or bother going through it. Good to know that I am not alone! :)

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