February 5, 2013

You're dumb as well

I am hurt. In fact, my eyes are swollen that I can't almost see clearly. I don't even know how to start this or should I publish it on my blog. Trying to heal this pain through words. There is hate everywhere. You can hate anyone, anytime. And now I think I am in that state. Although hate is a heavy word but I can't find anything else to describe what I feel from being hurt. I may never remember the last time I cried in a public transportation going home but I'm pretty sure that life had slapped me in the face just like what happened a while ago. I think nobody deserves to feel so little in life that what you do is irrelevant in this world. I always consider small things -- even ideas so little -- very relevant because things always start small. I hate being wronged but I always considered being criticized. Being wronged all the time is much worse. I don't know why I am always wronged by someone who I kind of look up to which just concludes that this someone plainly thinks I am dumb. It seems to me that what I am is lesser that what I think I am. That I don't deserve to be relevant in this aspect of life. That engineering isn't for me because I'm dumb simply because my suggestions and ideas are wrong that a person could just ignore it and leave me hanging. Although I can't hear tongues speaking about how wrong I am but I can feel it. He always makes me feel it.

I've been battling this for a long time now and I can't bear anymore this hurt simply because I don't think I deserve this way. I deserve this aspect of life because, well, I'm almost done with it. I am not perfect but nobody has the right to make me feel dumb simply because I don't think I am. Unless you're perfect in this field of life. I've been going through a lot of failures but I never considered myself seriously dumb that all my ideas are wrong. No one can just ignore someone's ideas simply because they don't like it, wise and clever people consider small ideas to be a basis and then grow from there.

I'm crying because it just hurts so much. I know, I will be okay later but I just had to let this pain go. How can an imperfect human being ignore someone's ideas/suggestions and make her feel misplaced. I hate it. I hate it so much that I'm going to remind myself that once that person fails at one point in his life, I will be the first one to laugh out loud and say that hey, you're dumb as well.

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