|Me and my long time friend Stephen right after playing badminton one Sunday afternoon with friends. Redscale Lomography film; Action Sampler. 2012.|
I can't remember clearly the last time I felt merry, but every time I hear old songs, even those that sing about unrequited love, I am pretty sure that, at one point, among those years, I was merry with the same song in the background. It doesn't mean I am never merry recently. It's Sunday and the neighbor's radio is playing old songs. Something to appreciate about because I am kind of tired listening to the same songs over and over in my playlist. With all the new music released day by day, all those songs that I used to sing a decade (or more) ago feel new. And it's a good thing. It is making me love them more.
When I was a kid (10 years old below), I remember singing songs every Sunday afternoon in our garden. Standing on a very old wooden table made by my father. There was a very long wired antenna that you use for hand-held radios which my siblings use for fun. Hand-held radios were in that time. So I used that very long wired antenna as a microphone. And when everyone is taking their afternoon nap or busy inside our home and my friends are in their homes, I go there to perform. I don't think anyone has ever seen me perform on that long wooden table. My audience were my mother and father's plants. Or maybe they did and they just didn't want to ruin my fantasy of being a
great singer. And when I'm done, I would lie down and read Archie comics or any book. When I look back to those days, I can see merriment in each moment. I miss simple joys like that.
Now that I'm older, it's still easier to feel merry because I am free to do what I want but there's a shady part that tells me I'm just forcing myself to be merry because people recently make me feel bad. Thus it isn't purely merriment that I feel. I force myself because what else can I do? I don't want to dive into sadness because of other people's negativity that I got for a week. It doesn't make me less of a person when I force my self to be merry, does it?
I'm glad for easy Sundays like now. It feels like heaven because I don't have to deal with complicated things and egoistic people. I'm sure you know what I mean when somebody just fucks you up and belittles you at school or work. On most Sundays, I get to do a lot of simple things such as reading books, listening to old songs and reminisce (sometimes get teary-eyed and thankful for those moments), write down ideas (some are good, some are too impossible to make but who knows?), being able to write something in a journal, and simply just talking with my family. It may not be the most fun to do but there's merriment in those simple things. Just making things easy and taking things lightly. I'm grateful for this life. Bring on the weekdays!