It must be a lazy Saturday afternoon, listening to some piano medley by R. Clayderman. The melody feels sad that I might not finish writing this entry because idyllic memories are slowly appearing in my head. But I will try to write until I am weak to do so.
Sweet memories that will stay hidden in my memory forever. It takes a lot of bravery to recover these; it isn't that easy. Once recovered, those memories will appear very fast, one by one, slowly focusing every detail of its beautiful scenery, that I couldn't control myself from evoking real, rumbling emotions -- happy, sad, nostalgic, and sometimes the feeling just makes me cry. Sadness, may be. But sadness sometimes doesn't make me cry. Sadness is sometimes shallow. Once felt, it is just easy to let go and move on. There is something within sadness but I don't know what's it called. It's a level, very deep part of sadness that once felt, it will catch you but deliver you to something that's sweet but bitter and just too sad.
As I write, I am recalling Papa. He used to listen to R. Clayderman. How amazing it is to re-visit the past just by listening to something you've heard and loved back then. I may not really 'loved' the songs at early age. I remember feeling really scared listening to it -- maybe because of the sad melody -- but Papa loved it. And now, I am starting to love it, too. It's true that as you grow older, your music preferences change.
I swear I love listening to Papa's choice of music but it takes me to that level of sadness in which I, most of the time, break down and cry.
I am honestly too weak to write now. Is it weird that I get this feeling while I remember the past? Is it normal? Is it even relaxing? I don't know. I don't even know if this is sadness or happiness. Might be something in between.