August 30, 2012

Gardening: The First Rose Bud

The only thing that makes me really happy is knowing that my little garden is blooming! 

The Bell Pepper seedlings are slowly growing!

The very first Rose bud! I am in love!! 

My plants love meeeeeeeeee! I love them more :)

August 27, 2012

Gift of life

Remember to slow things down and give time for yourself. Be grateful for the gift of life. :)

August 25, 2012

Gardening: First

One thing I love about my childhood is staying in our garden all afternoon and read books/comics or sleep. I remember Mama told me to talk to her flowers so they will bloom beautifully. I read them stories! :) But that garden is gone now so I decided to make a little garden. I may not be as good as my parents in taking care of plants but I will do my best to water and groom them every day. :)

Baby's Breath flowers. 

Bell Pepper seedlings

Butterfly Plant


I don't know the names of most of my plants so if you do, can you tell me? Anyway, I still can't believe these plants are growing fast under my care. I get so happy when I see them bloom. :)

August 22, 2012

Letter: Heart of The Matter

An excerpt of the letter I sent to Eileen:
Isn't it amazing how life, even if most of the time, treats us so badly not because it is how it should be but because it prepares us for something bigger, and so we would know how to act to certain situations. Also, we become stronger spiritually & emotionally.

I don't have anything else to say so can you sing this for me? 
"All the people in your life who've come and gone.
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride.
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on. You keep
carrying that anger, it'll eat you up inside."
-- Heart of The Matter, India Arie.

August 19, 2012

Field Notes and Lomography

I have some new stuff from Singapore. My friend Mark was in Singapore for a year and I made him order a 3-pack Field Notes (I haven't paid him yet. Hi, Mark! Hahaha). I am ready to read a lot of books and write some notes in it. And put other ideas and some other stuff worth writing. Also, he lent me his new Action Sampler camera. Looking forward to more films!! Exciting!

August 17, 2012

August 14, 2012

A miracle I am always happy to have witnessed.

Not all things are possible but there exist miracles. They may make the impossible possible but it doesn't usually last longer. But I was glad I met that miracle one day in the hospital.

I was young when my Papa died. I was too young to actually take care of him. My other siblings and Mama were the ones who actually took care of him. I remember visiting him in the hospital to send medicines and food. And when he was already home, I was the one who gave him his medicines by following what was written on the schedule made by my sister who was a nurse. By that, I am very sure I have done my part on taking care of him in my own little ways. 

Two years later, Mama died. But before that day, I remember the first, second and third times I thought she'll leave us. I was there on those tough times. I thought that if I took part on taking care of Papa, I would do much better for Mama as I am two years older. On the first attempt, she slipped on the floor while cooking for lunch and shouted my name very loudly. I ran towards her. And then we went to the hospital. It was very unexpected.

This miracle I am about to talk happened on the second attempt to bring Mama to the hospital. She got a stroke since the first attempt but it was a little bit okay as she became a little lively. The second attempt happened when I got back from school. They brought Mama to the hospital again. She was sent to the emergency room. I was there beside her crying with two of my sisters. Mama was sleeping but I know there was something wrong. 

We were waiting for a doctor to see us. It was the scariest place I've been to because almost every patient died every thirty minutes or something wrong happened. And there were a lot of beeps of different frequencies from different machines. It was chaotic and every patient were fighting for their lives. Mama was one of them but she was calm as she was sleeping. 

I didn't want to cry because I don't want my sisters to see me crying. So I was looking away from them but still standing beside Mama. I saw this old lady with very long white hair. She was standing in the center of the wide entrance looking for someone, I assumed. She had a white complexion, and she slowly walked towards a patient and then to another. I saw that the people didn't mind her at all as she tried to talk to them. So I thought maybe she's a stranger for them, too. I was looking at her all the time and she looked at me and walked towards us. She touched Mama and I hated it because I didn't want someone else to touch her rather than us or any doctor/nurse but I didn't act very negatively that time. She started asking questions but she was looking at mama and not at us. I looked at her and somehow saw my grandmother (Mama's mama) as she has also white long hair. She was also wearing a very big red ring and it suited her well. My sisters were crying and crying while talking to her about what happened and some other things I'm not sure of because I wasn't listening. I was spaced out while looking at her. Then she told me to run towards the chapel and pray this and that. Without any hesitation, although I didn't like her touching Mama at first, I ran towards the chapel because I believe in the power of prayer and I know it was right to pray.

I left them. I was crying in the chapel very loudly and helplessly. I didn't care what others think about me. I knew they'd understand. I just cried and prayed and asked for guidance. When I calmed down, after minutes of praying I went back to the emergency room and saw that Mama woke up looking very well. I was very happy to see her smiling at me. My sister then asked if I saw the old lady and I said no. We walked around searching for her in the place but we haven't found her. We want to thank her. I was also surprised to hear that my sisters also saw our grandmother in the form of her. It was a miracle. It was a miracle to see Mama looking well. 

Although Mama died on the third attempt of fighting for her life, I was very glad for that miracle. I was very glad because after that, even if Mama can't talk very well, we got time to be with each other. I read her stories, sang songs together, watched TV and I played guitar beside her. Back when she was strong, she would tell me real-life stories about my siblings in their childhood. I loved it. And whenever I got sick, she'll feed me soup in bed. When she was weak, I did everything I could. I did everything. Even not crying in front of her because I know she'll get weak.

It was a fantastic experience. A roller-coaster ride. A seemingly impossible attempt for someone's life. A miracle I am always happy to have witnessed. A beautiful life I am always grateful for.

August 11, 2012

Black moth: a little visitor

We had a little visitor in our kitchen wall. It was there the whole day. Funny thing about this kind of moth is that every time I see it, I always think it is a spirit of some relative coming for a visit. :P

I've been told that when I was a kid. Is it even true? Haha XD

August 8, 2012

Intentionally slow things down

We have the freewill to leave the rest for a while and hibernate from work, school, whatever it is that you put so much time on. Especially when your world is moving too fast from working too much. You need to slow down a little, look back, and see if you have found happiness -- genuine happiness.

Are you happy?

You know you can take another route when you're not. :)

August 6, 2012

Letter Challenge: Your Best Friend

Dear Eileen,
We may not see or talk or even send a text message every day unlike the old times, but please remember that you're always on my mind. That whenever I see two best friends in the mall, school or anywhere, I think about you and I hope you're doing good always.

Dear Tip,
You're always there for me. Even at times when you need to go home or somewhere else to meet your other friends, you know how to treasure time for the sake of my company. Thank you for being a good listener and for being supportive in what I do. I want you to know that I am trying to be the same to you. I'm here when you need someone. ;)

August 3, 2012

A lazy Saturday afternoon: sweet but sad

It must be a lazy Saturday afternoon, listening to some piano medley by R. Clayderman. The melody feels sad that I might not finish writing this entry because idyllic memories are slowly appearing in my head. But I will try to write until I am weak to do so.

Sweet memories that will stay hidden in my memory forever. It takes a lot of bravery to recover these; it isn't that easy. Once recovered, those memories will appear very fast, one by one, slowly focusing every detail of its beautiful scenery, that I couldn't control myself from evoking real, rumbling emotions -- happy, sad, nostalgic, and sometimes the feeling just makes me cry. Sadness, may be. But sadness sometimes doesn't make me cry. Sadness is sometimes shallow. Once felt, it is just easy to let go and move on. There is something within sadness but I don't know what's it called. It's a level, very deep part of sadness that once felt, it will catch you but deliver you to something that's sweet but bitter and just too sad.

As I write, I am recalling Papa. He used to listen to R. Clayderman. How amazing it is to re-visit the past just by listening to something you've heard and loved back then. I may not really 'loved' the songs at early age. I remember feeling really scared listening to it -- maybe because of the sad melody -- but Papa loved it. And now, I am starting to love it, too. It's true that as you grow older, your music preferences change.

I swear I love listening to Papa's choice of music but it takes me to that level of sadness in which I, most of the time, break down and cry.

I am honestly too weak to write now. Is it weird that I get this feeling while I remember the past? Is it normal? Is it even relaxing? I don't know. I don't even know if this is sadness or happiness. Might be something in between.

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