July 4, 2012

What if I don't know what to say?


I want to write something tonight. Something about how I feel as of this moment. But instead of having this entry end lingering to the feeling I felt tonight, I decided to just have it concluded with something that will be written a month after. I want to know what will happen about this feeling after (at least) a month?


(Written on June 1, 2012) Photo taken two days ago. I just want to recall the time this photo was taken. I fell in love to the boy I have fallen for some years ago. And, funnily enough, I always smile unconsciously whenever we talk. Some years ago, we used to being so close. Then years passed, I didn't know what happened. Really. It was like, at one point, we walked to different paths and didn't even care or bid good bye to each other. We were just walking without minding about each other. We were kids back then. We didn't care much, I guess.

Then came a time, unexpectedly and surprisingly, we got to talking. We may never get to talk like how we used to back then, but at least now we are talking. Talking like we never got separated. (We never even got together as a couple. But whatever that was.) We never cared in the first place. We never cared at all. So, maybe, it was just easy for us to speak to each other again.

I don't get why I get excited talking to you. You just became more nice, I guess. You started to invite me to this and that, but I still don't know what to feel about it so I didn't give in easily. The thought about the invitation makes me giggle. Really. I don't know what I am feeling. Really. 

So I will just leave this entry hanging for now in my draft. But before that let me just describe how I am feeling tonight: excited, happy, and in-love.

(Written on July 4, 2012) Well, for a month, you've been the same. My feelings didn't change but I guess I was just surprised the first time we got to talking again. The feelings I had way back found me. I loved it. I love the feeling of being in love to the person I fell in love way, way back. It's nice, sweet and lovely. But I guess this feeling is just passing by. I know it is. It's like the feeling that was lost got its way back but not really staying longer. Those are just little fragments that are actually not making a big part of what I feel.

I love that we're good friends. We've never been enemies. We just stopped talking each other unconsciously. Maybe because of class schedule, and stuff. But it's good that we hangout still as friends like before. You're still funny, sweet and that kind of guy I fell in love way back. You're still the same. But that feeling I felt a month ago? I should forget it. :)


4 comments:

  1. I really like how you wrote this entry awhile back and are reflecting on it now - that's super smart. Ach, love. What a ridiculous thing. It makes us girls do dumb things and fixate on things that we shouldn't be wasting our time on. :)

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  2. I know, right? Boys make us do crazy things indeed. But it's good to have your feelings realized after a month. More like, not going deeper the first time you felt it. We girls should be smart enough to carefully place our hearts anywhere. So we won't get hurt too much. Thank you, Rooth! :)

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  3. In a way, I miss those days of heady crushes on boys. It's a rather precious stage of life when you think about it, and looking back now, it passed me by before I even knew it!
    Ronnie xo

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  4. Whenever I look back to those times, I laugh and think how stupid I was before. :P

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