There is a point in our life where we get so depressed that we find ourselves drowning in the ocean and could never go back up on the surface. Most of the time, we choose to drown because we think that the waves are too strong and too big for us to survive. But if you are a lover of life, you will strive for survival because you know that the waves don't intentionally drown you but rather let you ride on them and take you to where you can swim back to the shore.
At this point, I am neither happy nor sad. But I tell you, at this point in time, I could not figure out what to do with life. Like, the entirety of it. Because I am not quite sure where to go and where to put myself. I am trapped in a place where I love staying in ever since but I often find myself struggling to get away from it thinking that maybe there are other places waiting for me to discover -- and maybe, my soul would be more at peace when I am there. This is when I end up daydreaming: I need to be in Finland (or Norway) because I want to witness the Northern Lights. Maybe, the south to witness the Southern Lights. I want to travel the whole world, know different culture, and meet people. Also, I want to stay for a day or two, or maybe more in different cities of The Philippines.
I consider these larger-than-life kind of things. I know some people have traveled to places I want to visit and they are lucky to witness the things I want to see. Instead of being happy, I get sad because there is no certainty that I could see all the sights and things that I consider beautiful in this world. It is like I am in the middle of the ocean, stuck with a choice between to swim towards the shore or let myself drown. When I rather live, that would mean I am going to meet a lot of uncertainties that life has to offer. But when I let myself drown, I am certain that my heart is going to stop beating, my lungs are going to stop breathing, and I will be in total darkness; in ocean's deepest point.
Yes. I am a lover of life but sometimes I get tired, too. Negative thoughts linger like thick dark clouds covering the whole city; the further I sulk into sadness, the sooner my tears slowly running down like rain from the sky. It goes on and on for hours. After it pours down, dark clouds are still there. It takes a long time to be sunny again. When the sun shines, I force myself to smile. Mirrors don't lie. Mine, at least. It has seen me laugh, cry, naked, and sometimes my soul. "How is that possible?", you ask. Well, look at the mirror and ask "How are you?". You don't have to say it physically but rather mentally. Examine what you see. You may get confused at first but focus and you will see how it is. That is how you are. Of course, you need to be honest with yourself first. Your mirror won't lie if you know you are not faking inside.
I have written something before. Something like: "Sometimes all you need is a smile to brighten up your day. So, smile. Nobody cares if you are unhappy anyway. If you smile, it can change something or maybe someone; like, yourself." Funny thing is, it always works for me. I feel lighter inside when I see myself smiling. I feel positiveness inside. I feel like swimming towards the shore and mingle with life again.
I am not quite sure of how many times I found myself in the middle of the ocean but I am certain that I have never let myself drown. Obviously, I am a lover of life. I choose life because it is beautiful. Although there are sad things going on but those I count as the reasons why life remains beautiful. Life is full of uncertainties. That's just how it is. So, I grab the opportunity to learn new things and never stop dreaming. I believe that if you embrace life, it will give you more chances to achieve your larger-than-life kind of dreams. We just have to embrace it fully and never let go.
Learn to try new things and make mistakes. Dream big and never lose hope. Smile always and cry if you need to. Learn to ride the waves of life and when you fall down, be sure to get back up again. Enjoy it.