March 22, 2012

Blog Challenge: Imaginary state of perfect

I am not the kind who believes in horoscopes.

I wrote something about my zodiac sign because it is part of a 'blog challenge' and one of the things that's written there is -- Strength: Perfectionist. And I agree to that. Back in since high school, when we subscribed to a local newspaper, everyday I read what's written in the horoscope (because as a youngster, that's what all there is to read in that paper full of bad news). It always speaks about Virgo people being perfectionists. Always. So, it is stuck in my head that I am a perfectionist.

Later on, I realized that all of us are perfectionists. Maybe not all the time but we are perfectionists. We want things to be perfect especially those things that are very important to us like first date, school projects, exams, debut party, wedding, cakes, etc. So, I've been thinking does being a perfectionist good? I mean, could you enjoy life even more when everything you do is perfect? Of course. Life is even more fun when everything is going your way.

But there's failure. Nobody does anything without failing at some point. Failure is always there. It is a part of something that is perfect. You know that. So I always expect that in my journey and it never failed to show up. Sometimes I end up feeling miserable because I can't even fix my own failures and it takes me a lot of time to think hard for a solution. To the point that I give up. I give up easily. Without any doubt. Giving up was part of me. I hate it.

I hate the fact that media (newspaper, internet horoscope) is telling me that I am a perfectionist. It isn't healthy. Maybe because I don't have enough courage to go on even if I'm not doing well enough. I hate that I have to think about me being a perfectionist first instead of thinking about what is there to be done or how is it going to be. Worse, I end up being selfish. I can't handle the situation anymore. I don't know what to do. So I procrastinate.

I am in the process of healing and moving on and thinking what to do next time I end up being selfish, being a perfectionist. I guess It'll take time.

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