March 31, 2012

Mama's collection of coins

I saw Mama's collection of coins while cleaning up my room. So I decided to clean them by soaking them into a basin with vinegar and water (as what the internet told me to do so). Dried them up and then checked one by one. Most coins are old Philippine coins, and then some from foreign countries like Korea, United States, Australia, Japan, and France. 




Was not expecting to find a coin from France. This isn't a Euro coin. It's from 1950's. I wonder where and how Mama got this.


A pile of old Philippine coins. 


This is my favorite coin as a kid. :p


Fifty Centavos coin (1964)



One Peso coin (1993)


Two Pesos coin (1994)


My sister's tokens.


I actually took photos of each kind of coins but I'm just too lazy to post everything here. I wonder when will they change Philippine coins again. It would be exciting.

March 30, 2012

Certainly worth planning for

The future is definitely uncertain. I don't know what is going to happen. I don't even have any idea or any traces of clues where I'm going to be in the next five years. So please don't ask me something like where do I want to work when I finish school because I definitely have no idea and can't find a proper way to say it so I won't sound so sad and angry. I'm not even sure when will I finish college, damn it.

But despite all these uncertainties, I have plans for my future. And that is to offer myself something happy. Could be this. Could be that. Still, it isn't certain enough. Hahaha :)

March 29, 2012

New curtains for Summer







My sister Rachel and her husband Kuya Mel sent us their old stuff from Dubai. Very sophisticated curtains and other stuff. I personally loved all the curtains. There were three kinds: orange, dark orange and some beaded orange curtains. I wanted to set up the beaded ones for Summer but it requires me to set-up its own hang bar (whatever you call it). I don't want to mess up the walls by drilling it all by myself so I have to wait for my brother to do it. For now, these orange curtains will be up for the whole Summer and maybe beyond that.

Thanks to Ate Rachel and Kuya Mel! :)

March 25, 2012

Future Preparation

When I was young, nobody told me that life would be a little too harsh in the future. Either way, I will still be the same lazy ass, non-smart, non-wise being because back when I was little, I know I have my father, mother and siblings to protect me and care for me. I was young, I didn't care about what my future will be like. Things got serious when I lost my parents, everyone had to work on their own to survive. And they included me in their plans and stuff so I still feel safe.

Now, I'm 21 and turning one year older in a couple of months. I don't know what to do now because all my dreams seem to be so far away. I don't mean to be so dramatic. I want to work but I need to finish college first so I'd end up to a high-paying job. I need to work hard on my college though as I'm not doing really well. Projects here and there. But I know I can do this. I have faith.

Life at this moment? It's difficult. But knowing that I still have faith never worries me at all. This is just a phase and I'm on my way to the top. Aja!

If you're not happy with your friends, what's best to do?

Spent some time on Omegle a few days ago. I was there to ask: If you're not happy with your friends, what's best to do? And here are the first five answers (and conversations) I got from two strangers at a time.

1.) Sleep -- I do this most of the time. Mostly when I feel sad at things not just with people but events and other factors. It sure does make me feel okay but I know it's still there.

2.) Get new friends -- Not easy. But I guess I need to try.

3.) Murder -- Hahaha okay.

4.) Talk to them about why -- Not good with this though I often ask if I did something wrong and they tell me nothing.


5.) Travel -- My favorite answer. Yes, of course. I need to travel alone or with family or with new people.

Here are the conversations from two strangers:

Conversation 1:

Stranger 1: ni hao ma
Stranger 2: kill them !
Stranger 2: KILL THEM ALL !!
Stranger 2: THEY DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE !
Stranger 1: lol
Stranger 2: kill them with an axe
Stranger 1: bitch please
Stranger 2: or a chainsaw
Stranger 2: just kill them
Stranger 1: what lol.
Stranger 2: did it myself too, killed them all with my favorite teddy bear
Stranger 1: lol cool story bro
Stranger 2: don't use random internet quotes on me fuck tard !
Stranger 1: k kill yourself then
Stranger 2: you bring yourself into teddy bears range mister !
Stranger 1: i love you
Stranger 2: oh stop it you
Stranger 1: <3 <3
Stranger 1: lol. where u from?
Stranger 2: i have to say one thing ! i hate you questioner
Stranger 2: ich bin aus Österreich
Stranger 1: what.. i'm being nice already
Stranger 2: AUSTRIA !
Stranger 2: oh not you Stranger
Stranger 1: who?
Stranger 2: i mean this third stranger watching us "discuss"
Stranger 1: oh, yeah.. bit creepy
Stranger 2: I say you one thing, men from Austria hate agents !
Stranger 2: or spys or whatever you call those fuckheads
Stranger 1: agents? why do you hate agents?
Stranger 2: i don't know? why do i hate the pope? i don't fucking know
Stranger 2: i just do it
Stranger 2: like NIKE (tm)
Stranger 2: oh god i hate Nike !
Stranger 1: oh.. what language do you speak?
Stranger 1: in Austria?
Stranger 1: english?
Stranger 2: no no
Stranger 2: we speak german
Stranger 2: like germany
Stranger 2: but different dialect
Stranger 2: where r u from?
Stranger 1 has disconnected
Hahaha they are so cute. Kill them with a Teddy Bear? It sure is a nice idea, Stranger 2. I love you. :p

Conversation 2:

Stranger 2: Get new ones?
Stranger 1: kidnap them
Stranger 2: ...then what?
Stranger 1: toss them in a lake
Stranger 1: run to mexico
Stranger 2: Wait a sec
Stranger 2: I'm British
Stranger 2: How am I meant to run to Mexico?
Stranger 1: ... swim to Mexico. or run to a neighboring european country.
Stranger 2: ...
Stranger 2: Britain is an island.
Stranger 1: I'm no major in geography, man. Swim. Use your leg muscles as much as your brain muscles.
Stranger 2: Alright man
Stranger 1: or run on water.
Stranger 2: After I swim, then what?
Stranger 1: Jesus did it.
Stranger 1: become a warlord dictator in your new country and live happily ever after.
Stranger 2: I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT
Stranger 2: Thank you
Stranger 2: I'll get right on it
Stranger 1: You do that. Go proud. Go free. Go deadly.

 Hahaha I will toss them into the mouth of Mount Apo. Just kidding.

Conversation 3:

Stranger 2: Leave
Stranger 1: kill them
Stranger 2: That too
Okay, I'll just leave. :P

Conversation 4:

Stranger 2: Talk to them about why
Stranger 1: time will heal
Stranger 2: Time heals nothing
Stranger 2: Some things heal in time, but time doesn't actually heal shit.
Stranger 1: o
Stranger 2: Take it from someone who was hurt a long time ago lol :)
Stranger 1: but I am really healed lol though sometimes I remind and it was hout again lol
Stranger 2: I'm re-learning to exist still
Stranger 2: Doin OK
Stranger 1: would to be the first one to compromise lol?
Stranger 2: But its a scar that I dont think goes away, changed me a lot. Not necessarily all for the worse, but it has changed me.
Stranger 1: yeah!!
Stranger 2: Depends on what it is.
Stranger 2: I'm a very accommodating person
Stranger 2: But I also cling strongly to my principles
Stranger 2: If it's a core principle, I won't compromise. If it's just a thing, then I generally will.
Stranger 1: got it
Stranger 1: I seldom break up with my friend actually lol
Stranger 2: Same here
Stranger 2: I've had friends break up with me though
Stranger 1: lol
Stranger 1: how come?
Stranger 2: And honestly there are people I'm realizing that its better for me to not be around
Stranger 2: Mostly because I've counted on the wrong people lol
Stranger 1: o
Stranger 1: :)
Stranger 2: There's one that I really regret
Stranger 2: Losing the love of my life
Stranger 2: Well, I dunno. I regret a lot of them.
Stranger 1: who's that?
Stranger 2: But not many do I feel like are legitimately my fault.
Stranger 2: Her name was Hailey. She was a beautiful, wonderful, kind, genius of a girl who I was with for seven years.
Stranger 1: what thing can be so serious then?
Stranger 2: I have been alive for 31 years and she was the only person I've ever met who was really like me on the inside.
Stranger 1: that's touching!
Stranger 2: It was weird, but wonderful.
Stranger 2: It spoiled me a little I think, because I started to think that I wasn't so alone in the world.
Stranger 2: I didn't realize that the two of us were basically just as alone as I used to think I by myself was.
Stranger 1: lol
Stranger 2: Heh
Stranger 2: :)
Stranger 2: I dunno. I've lost quite a few people that I miss.
Stranger 2: My best friend since the age of 14 was a guy named Jon
Stranger 1: then?
Stranger 2: We had all the same interests, came up in the computer industry together
Stranger 1: :)
Stranger 2: Then cocaine and other heavy drugs too I guess like heroin.
Stranger 1: oh
Stranger 2: He was on his way to being a really important person in the computer industry
Stranger 2: And he could have been my in as well
Stranger 2: But instead, cocaine and hard drugs led him to start living in crack houses
Stranger 2: I dont even think he cares about computers anymore.
Stranger 2: Or his old friends.
Stranger 1: didn't you help him?!
Stranger 2: I tried I guess.
Stranger 2: I told him that he was fucking up, killing himself, destroying his future
Stranger 2: But he was always depressive and I think does not mind killing himself as long as it doesn't hurt
Stranger 1: :(
Stranger 1: oh
Stranger 1: I haven't met that yet
Stranger 2: Yeah, it actually hurts a bit to think about that one too. I wish I would have known what to do to snap him out of it
Stranger 1: you don't have to do so
Stranger 2: If I ever actually loved another man it was him lol
Stranger 1: lol
Stranger 2: Its part of that compromising on core principles thing I guess
Stranger 1: he was a part of you, everyone you met are
Stranger 2: Even if I knew there was nothing I could do, and that it wasn't my fault
Stranger 2: I would still feel obligated
Stranger 1: yeah
Stranger 1: it is
Stranger 2: Yeah. Some more than others I guess, but its true.
Stranger 1: your story is inspiring lol
Stranger 2: Hahaha well thank you
Stranger 1: in contrast with mine
Stranger 1: :)
Stranger 2: Whats your story?
Stranger 1: ha there's nothing outstanding, my friends are always there, only one have left I think
Stranger 2: I have noticed that as people get older they grow apart from friends
Stranger 1: oh!
Stranger 2: Adults dont get close to each other like younger people
Stranger 1: lol
Stranger 2: I picture it like lions
Stranger 1: well
Stranger 1: ?
Stranger 2: You know when the lions are young they roam together in packs
Stranger 2: But as they age the lions split off and take up their own prides, and if they run into their old friends they are competitive with them
Stranger 1: oh
Stranger 1: why
Stranger 2: I don't know why, instinct I guess. It seems sad to me.
Stranger 1: humans aren't lol !
Stranger 1: I won't consider that
Stranger 2: humans aren't what?
Stranger 1: maybe one day I'll leave my friends, but still we are together, aren't we? the passion won't be shatter so easily right?!
Stranger 1: we are friends as well
Stranger 2: I wish I could tell you that is true, but I think it does get shattered.
Stranger 2: For most people at least.
Stranger 2: Some are lucky and keep friends forever. I would have been like that I think, but the friends I had and circumstances we hit didn't allow it.
Stranger 1: we have undergone part of life!
Stranger 2: I would talk about this with my friends when we were young
Stranger 2: How I was afraid it would happen, just had a gut feeling.
Stranger 1: it did happen!?
Stranger 2: Part of our lives
Stranger 2: Yeah it happened. I really don't know many of my old friends at all.
Stranger 2: My old roommate works at the same place I do
Stranger 1: I can't imagine that lol
Stranger 2: We haven't spoken to each other more than twice, and never for more than a minute or two
Stranger 1: you should try!
Stranger 1: when it comes to the memories you had
Stranger 2: Another of my old friends works in India now, we haven't spoken in a couple of years
Stranger 2: I have tried. It... it isn't the same anymore.
Stranger 2: Another friend is a meth dealer who works at a bank, lol.
Stranger 2: Who has become a totally different person.
Stranger 1: uh
Stranger 1: no:(
Stranger 2: Another, a girl, moved out of state and has two young children and an abusive ex husband who is stalking her and just got out of jail
Stranger 2: Another girl married a female-to-male transsexual and lives in Texas now.
Stranger 2: Its like at the end of those TV shows about old times
Stranger 1: lol
Stranger 2: When the movie is done and before the credits roll
Stranger 1: uh
Stranger 2: Where you find out how the rest of everyone's lives turned out after sharing a few years of it with them
Stranger 2: That's exactly what it feels like
Stranger 2: We're just writing those ending words now, that's what our lives are.
Stranger 1: I don't want to be so pessimistic lol
Stranger 2: hahaha
Stranger 2: thats just what it feels like, i dunno if its sad or not
Stranger 1: I think you should recollect those things lol
Stranger 1: they once be wonderful, don't throw it easily:)
Stranger 2: i agree
Stranger 2: maybe some day i'll write a book
Stranger 1: haha
Stranger 1: good idea lol
Stranger 2: hey i gotta go bro
Stranger 2 has disconnected

 This is my favorite among all the conversations I've read. Stranger 2 is right with the lion part.

Oh well. Friends come and go.

March 22, 2012

Blog Challenge: Imaginary state of perfect

I am not the kind who believes in horoscopes.

I wrote something about my zodiac sign because it is part of a 'blog challenge' and one of the things that's written there is -- Strength: Perfectionist. And I agree to that. Back in since high school, when we subscribed to a local newspaper, everyday I read what's written in the horoscope (because as a youngster, that's what all there is to read in that paper full of bad news). It always speaks about Virgo people being perfectionists. Always. So, it is stuck in my head that I am a perfectionist.

Later on, I realized that all of us are perfectionists. Maybe not all the time but we are perfectionists. We want things to be perfect especially those things that are very important to us like first date, school projects, exams, debut party, wedding, cakes, etc. So, I've been thinking does being a perfectionist good? I mean, could you enjoy life even more when everything you do is perfect? Of course. Life is even more fun when everything is going your way.

But there's failure. Nobody does anything without failing at some point. Failure is always there. It is a part of something that is perfect. You know that. So I always expect that in my journey and it never failed to show up. Sometimes I end up feeling miserable because I can't even fix my own failures and it takes me a lot of time to think hard for a solution. To the point that I give up. I give up easily. Without any doubt. Giving up was part of me. I hate it.

I hate the fact that media (newspaper, internet horoscope) is telling me that I am a perfectionist. It isn't healthy. Maybe because I don't have enough courage to go on even if I'm not doing well enough. I hate that I have to think about me being a perfectionist first instead of thinking about what is there to be done or how is it going to be. Worse, I end up being selfish. I can't handle the situation anymore. I don't know what to do. So I procrastinate.

I am in the process of healing and moving on and thinking what to do next time I end up being selfish, being a perfectionist. I guess It'll take time.

March 20, 2012

Computer Engineering


Engineering & Architecture Exhibit at Abreeza Mall. That's me with the eye glasses and my Computer Engineering professors and classmates. 

March 15, 2012

I am inferior in some aspects in life and I am pretty sure about that. Just this afternoon before I decided to take a nap, I realized some people need me because they need to think highly of themselves. You can't escape this situation, someday you'll be in it and you just can't find a peaceful way to let go.

Being humble and patient does not do you any harm. So be it. Just let them lead the way.

There's something to learn in this. I still can't figure out what it is. Maybe soon.

The Dilemma

As someone who is lonely as I am, I desperately want to have a friend like Ronny of The Dilemma. Nick and Ronny's friendship is very tight and not that grand. I mean, they're both simple and true and honest and real. I wish I could be with someone who really cares and listens. Someone who is not afraid to punch and slap me in the face when everything feels wrong. And just like Nick, I am very worse at handling situations/problems in life. I suck plus I don't have someone to tell me that. Maybe that is why I suck even more. Hahahaha

You know in life, you can't just ask yourself "What's wrong?" and "Are you okay?" because that would be pointless. We all need someone to ask that for us because even though they won't really understand everything at least you could hear somebody else's uplifting words and that is a blessing and it feels real good to know someone is listening to you. It's heartbreaking to know someone really cares and humble enough to ask what is up with your life. You can't be your own best friend. You need to have someone to share your life and problems with.

:)

Excuse me while I have to finish the last two chapters of our Research Study today. I have to finish it before 1 PM. Plus, I have to make extra papers such as Table of Contents, Acknowledgement and the like. I'm going to share this to you (planning to post all my school-related stuff here) very soon.

March 13, 2012

I don't know what is right anymore. Can people just be happy for me even if I fucked everything up? Can they just make me feel that everything's going to be alright? I don't know how to bring myself back because I can't even seek happiness from where I am. :(

March 11, 2012

Little nephew

My nephew is the cutest :) Let me share these photos taken yesterday at Abreeza Mall. I was there for the CEA Exhibit 2012. I escaped to play with this little boy for a couple of minutes only. 









Hahaha so cute!! :P

March 9, 2012

Overwhelmed by Birds

I didn't upload any photos for my entries recently because (A) I don't have an appropriate photo to show since (recently) I've been ranting a lot (which I promised not to do since last year but right now I don't have anyone to talk to. Writing helps when no one cares to listen to you.) and (B) I'm just too lazy to transfer files/photos I've taken recently.

So to turn things up a little bit, I am going to show the highlight of my saddest month ever.


I put some bird feeds on my window hoping some birds will come in and chill in my room. That idea was kind of funny and it is my desperate way of getting close to nature. I mean, I miss going to the beach -- the serenity, calmness and silence of nature. Lately, I've been chasing papers and projects and shit (not literally, duh). 

That afternoon, I guess the birds didn't saw (or smell?) the feeds. Three days passed, still, the feeds were untouched until one afternoon, around 5 PM, while I was making a floor plan for my room (because it is almost Summer and that means I have to clean the whole room and change the locations of furniture) I was surprised when two birds came in instantly into my room. I was overwhelmed, I just watched them getting lost around!! One bird was stuck in between my curtains and closed window in one corner of my room, I instantly grabbed my camera and here it is:



On my third attempt to take a picture, it finally flew away. I can't explain how happy I was at that moment! I actually hope those two birds told the other birds that I have some food for them but I guess they didn't like the feeds, or maybe the feeds are too big for them? It's what we feed to our Myna birds. 

Anyway, I am still looking forward to see them in my room even just for a second, and hopefully take more photos of them. I will definitely share it here :)

March 7, 2012

How do you deal with difficult people?

Edit: (9PM)
I hate Facebook. I am finally deactivating my account. The reason why I hate it is I spent the whole day browsing around and ended up not being able to do what I need to do. It's like my eyes were glued and I can't afford to close the freaking page!

The only reason why I go to Facebook is to ask my classmates about some school stuff that I may have forgotten and stuff like that. I even use Message to transfer research files which is supposed to be done in formal e-mail. It is basically an all-in-one package and it should be very convenient for me because I could talk to my classmates instantly but no. Yes, it is awesome because I could chat and send files and shit all at the same time but I always end up reading the News Feed.

It is not that I don't like what I read there, it is just that Facebook is fucking taking my time so much. I don't know if I should hate on it or I should hate myself. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. The only thing I could do now is to deactivate it and screw having communications  via Facebook. If people need me they could text me and vice versa. (I keep repeating that last like over and over again so I could convince myself to deactivate my account.) Hahahaha I am so sorry for this post.

March 5, 2012

Vomit Feelings

It's early in the morning and I already feel tired. Or maybe I'm just too sad.

Maybe being sad just feels very tiring. Maybe being tired just feels very sad.

That very last part of last night, which when I was already in bed (and you know when you're already in bed, random thoughts appear and it's uneasy to sleep), was not happy. I cried. I was crying because of the thought: I may not bound to have a long-term friendship. One day, I might lose some people who are very close to me. It is always like this. My close friends in grade school were never my close friends in high school. My close friends in high school, were never my close friends in college. Maybe one day I might lose all my close friends in college. I can feel it.

Am I a difficult person to deal with? I don't know. All I know is that when I miss something important, I always make sure I could catch up with it. And I say sorry when I know I made something wrong. I tell whatever is on my mind. I am open when I am comfortable with one's company. I share a lot. I tell stories and experiences. I don't know what is wrong.

I don't want to cry this time because it is too early to be so dramatic. I still have to go to school and do shit, which makes me more sad because shit's difficult (lol).

If I could vomit feelings, I would be bulimic.

March 2, 2012

Lazy Daisy

So before I'm going to bed (for the nth time this day), I would like to share something that isn't really interesting at all. Today turned out to be the opposite of what I thought was a productive day. I woke up feeling groggy because I overslept, which was a good thing because I haven't had enough sleep nights ago and yesterday was just too stressful. I had my to-do list ready and in my head I had the urge to do everything. Turned out to being a lazy ass bitch trying to feel a little sick (I was, I swear) just so I would not be obliged to move any muscle. I did try to put everything back to normal but I think this day is meant to be spent in my bedroom. So, I stayed and never thought of my responsibilities.

And whenever I feel 'free' from responsibilities, I think about something else aside from school stuff. Unfortunately, I got pissed off by someone and for a minute there I did not know how to handle my anger towards that person. So, I asked the internet on 'how to deal with difficult people?' and I got answers and fortunately it calmed me down. (Ah! The difficulties of having no one to talk to at home.)

One of the things I thought was 'is engaging too much on social media affects man's feelings?'. I know it's weird but for now I don't really feel like being updated too much about my friends and my old friends. I get annoyed at myself because I keep on reading the updates even though I really don't want to know what's happening out there. So I thought maybe it is time to quit some of the social media I'm in. I actually thought of taking a break from school during summer and spend the whole season at home with family, and catching up with myself (because school keeps me busy, I can't find time for myself anymore.). Also, to do some art and stuff. Of course, no internet intervention during the whole season. But I will be updating my blog daily, at night. I want to be busy in the morning and share everything I did in my blog when I'm about to go to bed. This thought kind of excites me.

The point is, I want to take a break from school in summer because I want to engage myself to other things. School will always be there but I want to be with my family and know myself a little more during the whole season. School is very stressful. I know that if I will not take summer classes chances are I will have a little more subjects during regular semesters but, I need to have a break! I've been going to school everyday since 2007 -- regular semesters plus summer classes. I just pray that my siblings will allow me and understand my point.

If they will agree on my plan, I will pursue the things I want to do during that break. I want to work in my brother's office. I just need a few money to spend on some of my other "ideas". Since his office is located in our home, it is easy for me to shift from work to 'art works'! After all, there are only a few things to work on in his office (I think!). Also, I want to cook more recipes.

What's more exciting is that room make-over plan which I hope will not cost me too much! If all these things will fall into place, it would be awesome! And I will update this blog everyday because I swear that I am definitely be not the kind of lazy I am now. If not, then maybe I'll just do minimal stuff from that plan and go to my summer classes at the same time. Sad.

Anyway, I need to go to bed now so I could wake up early (in 4 hours) because I need to do the laundry and work on that circuit that should have been done by now! I will stay in school for our projects (take note: project with letter s) and some papers. I hope I will find something blog-worthy tomorrow. I'm sorry for all the lousy posts I wrote lately. (Honestly, I don't know what to do with this blog. I need inspiration. I need that break!!) Good night, world.

March 1, 2012

Boy friends

One of the best things in the world is to have boy friends who share anything with you. Anything random -- love life, opinion, some serious stuff, problems, and anything that seems to be mysterious in a guy. I am surrounded by a lot of boys (and I don't mean to sound like a flirt, I'm sorry) and it's always been my pleasure to know them and their life stories (and keep their secrets and thoughts on things until I get a sign from them that it's okay to say it in public). You know, whenever I am sad, aside from thinking about my family (as a thing to hold on to when everything else falls down), I think about my boy friends and how lucky I am to have been surrounded by good ones.

Isn't it lovely (and exciting) to hear them say whatever they are thinking, or what happened during the weekend, or how they feel as of the moment, or how they had a fight with their partners, or their family problems, or anything like that that you can't seem to hear from a normal guy. It's my pleasure to hear their stories. You know, I've been wanting to have a brother who'd share anything with me but I guess given the fact that I can't have a little brother (except for nephews) at all, I have these boys to listen to my words and advice and stuff. And, you know what's best? It's knowing the fact that they really follow my advices. I think boys are very deep and loyal and true especially when they are really close to you. They always listen and keep it in their mind.

They have shared their life stories to me (I swear they are all funny and sad) and I share mine, too. I love their partners, and I worry whenever their partners ask where they are and stuff like that. I am looking forward to the future where they'd have babies and own families and watch them grow. It's not like I am older than them, it's like I want to witness their life, too.

It's my pleasure to have them as classmates, brothers and friends. I may not like their attitude sometimes but I still accept them for who they are. They are all beautiful human beings and I feel sorry when I make them worry and stuff like that. Thank you, guys! :')
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