I have never found comfort anywhere in the world except our home. Part of me wants to be somewhere else and build a comfort zone but another part of me is afraid to go out and face errors.
I always cling to my siblings ever since my parents left us behind. I always attach myself to people who never really cared in the first place because I am afraid to go out there and face the world on my own. I have no other choice. Funny because whenever something big will happen, I feel so brave to face whatever it is but when the time comes, I easily feel weary. I swear I'm a brave girl but when I'm faced with the reality -- the things that really matter in life -- I feel less fueled.
For the past years, an ice cream, a cheap cake, a hug or anything that makes me happy are considered a piece of home. When it's gone, I have nothing. It always goes back to finding something. Nothing permanent. Really sad.
Last night, I was thinking of possibilities. A lot of 'what ifs' were conveyed. Then, it went down to what if the time comes when I really need to go out of my comfort zone? How would I know when...? What would my feelings be? It is always scary to think about the future.
Glad that I have a family who understands my situation. For now, they're my piece of home.