October 10, 2011

Being In Your 20's Is Being In A World Of Confusion

Somebody wrote: The mark of being in your early-to-mid 20′s is confusion. It starts with haphazardly being thrown into a life phase where you actually have to be responsible for yourself and your decisions. There’s the overwhelming pressure to get a great job, to succeed, to be wealthy, to go out into the world and be Somebody.

Exactly the same way I'm feeling right now. After all I'm 21 and just like what the writer said: I am bound to a world of confusion. I am lucky, though, that I have siblings to help me with life decisions but then it's me who will have to varnish everything.

At this moment, it seems like I am given a problem and the only way to live this life happily is to solve that problem using different math solutions given that the problem is a math equation. Funny that I thought of that. But yes, real-life problems are like math equations. At first you wouldn't know what to do so you have to think for a solution. Then you realize and analyze things. Then, at one point, you've thought of one or two ways to solve it and now you're confused which way to use.

We always have plans A, B, C and so on. And sometimes we take the risk to use plan A given that it's the first. Sometimes when plan A failed, we feel depressed and shit. That plans B and others might also be a failure. You think yourself as inferior. You feel like there's no other way you can solve it and that it may be fine to just leave it behind.

I'm an obsessive-compulsive person. And I have failed a lot of times. This time I am having the worst failure ever. A failure that made me think to revise everything. To erase everything. To go back to zero. But something tells me that maybe I can patch everything up. I just need some time.

I need some time but for how long? I don't know. All I know is that I need to know myself more in different angles. And that is what I am doing now. This semester break I made a list of to-do's. Things that would make me express what I feel through blogging, learning how to bike, go to different places, read a book, learn how to cook and make recipes, and bond more with my family.

Time management is what I need. And I am working on it now.

Hopefully, these decisions I have in mind would help me make a happy person [ I have been a sad person these past months and I'd like to think it's the reason why I'm a failure at a lot of things].

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