September 30, 2011

After, After 'After A While'

A friend introduced me to this poem by Veronica Shoftshall written on 1971 entitled After A While.

AFTER A WHILE (Veronica Shoftshall, 1971)

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept
your defeats
with your head up
and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
And you learn to build
all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground
is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way
of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn
that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

I stumbled upon this poem by Adrian Tecson. 


After 'after a while'
You want to hold a hand not to chain a soul but
to enjoy its company,
and you want someone's lips to kiss,
not because you are lonely but because you are
happy, and you want to give presents
and you want to make promises.
After 'after a while'
You begin to accept your defeats like an adult,
but like a child, will want someone to listen
and care,
and you want someone who will build roads with
you today so maybe you can pave the way for your
future together.
After 'after a while'
You want someone's sunshine and warmth,
but also accept the rain and the cold,
and you want to give flowers picked from your
own garden.
And when your garden is picture perfect,
you want it to be more than a picture
even if it means having to be imperfect
because you want someone in it to stay and to
Then you'll see that there is
such a thing as love...
and that you were made to live in someone else's
and you'll know that there is more to life than
You realize that no matter how tightly you hold,
if you're meant to let go, you can
And then you will understand that love
gives you reasons to understand
even the most complicated situations
And you will grow older believing that just
because you have convictions
doesn't mean you're always right
You will remember lips because of the smiles
that made your day,
the words that touched your soul, not only
because of the sweet kisses
And as you graciously accept defeat and absorb
the meaning of lessons
You feel that you are finally being the person
you never thought you'd be
So, armed with courage, strength and confidence,
you will face the world
head on...
With or without an army behind you
Because you know your worth and that alone is an
With more heartbreaks you will cry
But after every heartache, you will rise
Life is a garden ... it takes long to make it
But it's always worth the wait..

While having a cup of coffee early in the morning, I decided to write a poem not really in continuation of the beautiful story but to express what I learned from that story and my life. Also, I promised my friend to write something about this poem so I thought I'd give it a try.


You're life is a beautiful garden.
Colorful, sweet and mild.
With daises, roses and violets
all bloom because
of your smile.
You started to plant flowers
in someone else's garden.
You are both happy when they bloomed.
Hugs, kisses, holding hands and such.
Everyday, sweetness overloads.
Your days are full of
Your nights are full of
Everytime you say
I love you
is the time when sun shines
from above.
But you thought
'too much sunshine burns
if you get too much'
so you insist not to say
it again,
and again
and again.
You've waited this for too long.
Your happiness is at the fullest
when you had it.
But your mind tells you to
slow down
because too much love will cause you
too much pain if you lose it.
All the lessons learned
from the past --
You never missed any single of that.
Prayed for this love to last.
And that no more heartaches will
come to pass.

September 20, 2011

Fleet Foxes

Do you enjoy waking up early in the morning & drink hot coffee in a cold early morning breeze? I do. It's that time of the day when happiness comes my way without any reason at all. It's that time of the day when I achieve peace of mind simply because witnessing the sunrise is bizarre. I don't think any person hates the sunrise.

I've been meaning to make an entry about this since 2009. Back then, I found perfect songs to listen to early in the morning and these songs are from the band called Fleet Foxes. I have shared their songs to the people I love waking up to in the morning. If you're one of them, you're loved. :)

Not all people will like their music in an instant simply because, well, we all listen to mainstream media so we, most likely, listen to it so our day will be hip, or rock n' roll. Hahaha!! But, this band, I feel like they are made for people who likes to reminisce, or think about happy memories, or are just simply happy with life -- with what life has offered or has to offer them: good or bad. People who are in love with life simply because he/she has nothing else to do but to live his/her life and take care of it.

For my part, these songs always remind me to be happy, at least. By listening to it from five to six in the morning, drinking coffee, eating something -- bread or whatever, witnessing the change from dark to light blue sky with some random memories in mind. Almost everyday, since 2009, I experience inner peace. Even just for one hour. At least, for just an hour, I can be silent but happy. I don't care how unruly the world is outside. As long as my morning is spent perfectly, all is fine with me because without any concrete reason, this band, their songs are just perfect, peaceful and full of happiness. Why don't you give it a try? :)

Each of their songs has stories to tell. I know all songs do, but wouldn't you like it if you imagine nice things, happy scenery? Not all what we imagine while listening to a song is the same as what the artist imagined. Sometimes, even just by listening to the melody, you unconsciously create imagery in your mind that no one else could copy even if you listen to the same song. :)

Listen to this song, and if you like it you might want to listen to the whole album.

Tiger Mountain Peasant song is the first song I play when I listen to the album. Simply because I like how it was written, sang and the scenes I create with it. Hello, Fleet Foxes! Thank you for the wonderful music you guys create. You inspire a lot of people and you give them nice, happy and perfect mornings!! I love you. :)

September 5, 2011

I Really Do

Seapony cover. Pardon my guitar and singing skills I just want to siiing! :p This is such a sweet song that I got stoked while playing it -- the reason why my voice was a little shaky. Hahaha

September 4, 2011

What Melody?

Things have been very difficult for me lately... I can cry all night and not able to move on from it. If only I have someone to talk to about these problems and tell me everything's going to be fine, it would be the best. But then opening up something to someone is difficult because I'm scared of being judged from the things I'm going to say. Sometimes I wish talking and crying to a stranger would be fine and this stranger would be the coolest to respond to me how awful my life is and that I need to change everything or go far away where no one knows me by default and start a new life. Of course, that's impossible but I need someone to slap me the reality of what I have become just because...

I am not comfortable at sharing my real feelings to anyone. Or maybe, I haven't found someone who I can trust to in everything I say about my life. Or maybe the question is: do I really need someone to share the melody of my life?

Writing down everything on a piece of paper isn't comforting at all -- it somehow is. but then this paper can't hug me and say "it's okay." unless of course I write it down.

Yes, I think I need someone to hold hands with. People may not know I'm a cry baby because they always see me happy. I am a happy kid! The only time I get to be sad is when I feel lonely. Whenever I am lonely, the universe seem to bitch slap me in the face and say how it sucks to be me at times.

I need a hug. Please... someone. :(

September 3, 2011

Root Beer + Realizations

Does a mug of root beer suppose to make you drunk? Because I was last night. Or maybe I was tired and so I passed out too early? I don't know. It's been a long time since I had root beer. We bought one liter of Mug Root Beer last Tuesday when we were having grocery at the mall. Ate Karen wanted to try it. Also, I saw some interesting stuff at the grocery like Arizona and some German beers. Hmmm, I'm thinking of saving money for those. Anyway, so aside from drinking beer [or getting drunk haha] while browsing the internet and updating some stuff, I tweeted about how I missed blogging like I used to before. Just so you know, I was the storyteller-kind of blogger. So detailed that you can predict my personality just by reading my old blogs. I hated it at some point. I miss it actually. So maybe for now, I will not only blog about events, rants, and some stuff but also continue what I used to write before. So, dear readers, if there's any, please, don't judge me when I'll start posting personal stuff again. Hahaha :)

To start it off, you may ask why was I drinking alone on a Friday night? I may have a bunch of friends (or acquaintances) but most of the time, I am alone at home. I am not the kind of girl who goes out at night (or every weekend) and drink with friends anymore. That phase was over for me, I guess. I can go out when I'm free and when I feel like it. I can go home at around 4 or 5 in the morning. And thanks to friends for always inviting me :) Maybe, at least for my self, the older I get, the farther I am from being active in going out with friends and drinking in resto bars. I missed it actually. I was like that from fourth year high school up to second year college. But it will never be the same again. I am glad I am over that. Not that it's a bad thing to do. Enjoying the weekend isn't bad. Getting drunk isn't bad. Going to resto bars/disco houses isn't bad. There is nothing bad about being a bar hopper or hippie, party girl whatever you call it. We all go through that phase. As for me, I'm done with it.

I still get drunk, go to parties, get high but when there are occasions only like going to the beach with friends. When I stopped getting drunk in bars, I started getting drunk as fuck when I'm in the beach with friends. So you can tell I only drink heavy volume of alcohol when I'm in the beach. I think it is more memorable. Especially when you're with close friends. Plus, I enjoy the adventure in going to the beach. Just so you know, Canibad has acknowledged me as the girl-who-is-always-laughing-when-drunk for at least two years now.

They say there are always some place where you can enjoy without getting drunk. Yes, there are and I would love to be there but sometimes you have to put so much effort on it since most of my friends drink and no matter how we try to make it as simple as possible we always add beer in that simplicity we're trying to achieve! Hahahaha but seriously, I have been to simple night outs especially with very close friends -- going to the mall, chilling at someone's house, dinner etc. but these people are too busy nowadays. I miss them. When I'm free, they aren't or when they're free, I'm not.

So much for my drunkard life... what was I suppose to write again? (pause) (thinking) (thinking again)

I realized that no matter how happy you are outside, when you get home, you find yourself alone and at some point you will realize, is this it? is this what my life should be? getting happy but not genuinely happy? Going home from school is the best time to reminisce the things that happened during the day. Sure, I made a lot of people smile, I laugh hard, I bully friends, I get to talk to a lot of people -- some real conversation, others are small talk. but when I get home, entered my room, on the bed... I'm all alone. No one's really there for me. And I think, I am missing everyone. I miss them a lot.

I talked to a friend over Facebook chat and told him how I was feeling that time. He said, I'm not lonely, I am just bored. Maybe he's right. Maybe I need something new in the my life. Something refreshing and challenging so I wouldn't get bored easily. And that something is not concrete at this time. I am wondering what it would be. Maybe, I need a book? Maybe, I do. Maybe, I should go back to reading again.

September 1, 2011

Nobody Really Cares

You can rant all day when you feel like everyone’s putting a joke on you. It’s fine. We need to bring out all these shit that weighs us down. But always remember: you have a choice to be happy. So you might be it. You don’t have to get angry all the time. :)
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