December 27, 2011

Things you have no control over

You have no control over
other people's opinion;
other people's feelings.

You have no control over
the way they dress;
their style.

You have no control over
how they should react;
how they should respond.

You have no control over
who they must like;
who they should love.

December 25, 2011

Sondre Lerche

Photo taken from Amazon

Last night, on Christmas Eve, everyone got so crazy, wild and happy including me. Now, it's Christmas already and everyone are still sleepy. It's afternoon, a quarter to three, and the rain is pouring slightly; seems like a blessing on a Christmas Day. Everything feels calm and easy. I love it.

Listening to Sondre Lerche is just perfect on a cold weather. Plus, a cup of coffee makes it better. I am in love with all his songs. I'm listening only to his Duper Sessions album though but if I find time, I will check out all his albums. I love you, Sondre.

P.S. I love you, Sondre. Even more that I can take off my clothes slowly in front of you as long as you don't stop singing.

December 24, 2011

Blue polka-dotted panty, girl

You are sitting beside a guy
in front of me.
Not knowing that we are
looking at your panty.
They look so cute
and adorable, you see.
It makes us giggle for

Hahahaha gross. I wrote this during a one-day affair with four seminars to attend. I know I should have listened to the third speaker but we barely heard what she was saying. So we helped ourselves by having fun in our seats and pretended we were listening (I bet most of the people at the back did the same, too!). My seatmates and I played games on paper. It was fun! (not the cheating on the speaker part but the paper thing.)

P.S. I've been pretty bad this year, Santa. Am I getting anything at all? 

Merry Christmas! :)

December 21, 2011


I love receiving and giving letters to friends. If giving letters to strangers is not creepy, I would have given a couple of them some letters! But then I don't want to be that kind of creep, so I guess those who are close to my heart are very lucky to have me. Hahaha just kidding. :P I went through each of my things, one by one, even these letters kept inside a big envelope. I don't want to be show-y but I can't help but share all the letters I received over the years to the internet. The letters aren't shown for you to read what's in it so I guess it isn't show-y at all (except for the second photo). Plus, nobody goes to my blog everyday to read what I post anyway, so it's okay! :)

I was 8 years old when I wrote this. Actually, I gave my siblings and my parents a Valentine's letter each. Found this in my sister's envelope of letters. I kept this to myself because she's in Dubai now and I don't want to lose it. 
My best friend is really creative. I wish I was as creative in writing letters as her. 
Teary-eyed when I found this. My best friend in high school and I promised to write letters to each other when we reach college because she will be studying outside the City. It was exciting. I don't know why we stopped writing to each other, though.
I received letters from YFC-Ateneo people during Youth Camp. I got two letters from Michi :). 

Birthday letter back in 2007 from Dawn: "Ayaw padaot/papildi sa mga taong nagapaubos nimo" :')
Even letters like this make me smile! :)

I have a lot of letters that I didn't take pictures of and I treasure them! Honestly, I feel happy whenever I go through all these letters and cards! It makes me feel special somehow. Also, I am blessed to have friends who remind me that life is full of happiness and sweetness! :)

December 20, 2011

Merry Christmas

The thrill in knowing you still have something to smile about even if most of the things that surround you make you frown. It's Christmas! Merry Christmas, internet. :')

December 19, 2011

I'm weak but not for long

You have the power,
I have nothing.
When I'm done here,
you'll be forgotten.

December 10, 2011

It's good to reconnect

As I get older, I notice the things that I thought was easy to deal with now become the things I could not even understand. It gets complicated in the long run that I want to give up and run away with it.

I could have cheated on myself. I may have ran away from responsibilities, but I always make sure I am not hurting anything even myself. What I'm saying is, I always get away from what's in reality and reconnect to things I used to enjoy back in the days. School stuff is always right here on my desk, I could go back when I want to. You see, I am not really happy with what is going on with my life as a student but I am not also giving up on it. [If you're an engineering student, you'd understand] Maybe cheating from these school work responsibilities is okay. Maybe I need something to work on aside from it. Something to reconnect to.

Well, honestly, I have tried reconnecting to things I used to enjoy back when I was younger. These are just some of the things I used to have that makes me feel good about reconnecting to. And when I try to reconnect to it, it feels new but in a weird way. It feels new yet I already knew how to feel about it so it doesn't feel really new. Sometimes used-to's are not great to reconnect for a long time.

Then, I find myself going back to work. Only to realize that what matters now is what I am capable of doing at the moment. What matters now is satisfying myself with a one-of-a-kind happiness. Something that I never felt before. Something that I could get excited about reconnecting to five years from now. The point is, the older we get, the more we have to offer ourselves with something that is more of what we have when we were a year younger. Now, that's a challenge!

December 4, 2011

Stop caring about other's opinion of you

This entry turned out to be lengthy so I decided to put up a photo for it though I'm not sure if you'll get it but it seems that this very cute Tarsier seemed like not caring about me taking a picture of him/her. Which KIND OF speaks the whole thing in this entry. Again, kind of. :P

You don't really have to agree but sometimes we limit ourselves to ordinary things because we are too afraid of everyone talking about us when we start doing extraordinary things. Especially when we fail at it. We are too afraid to try. We want to do this but what if we fail? What would others say? What would their opinion be? Sure, people would say you can do it next time, you did your best, you need to try harder. Others would definitely say something bad about you like, why would you force yourself to do that when you know you really can't ... at all?

These things are inevitable. Most especially when you are trying to do the extraordinary.

All these things, good vibes and bad vibes, are natural. People always have an opinion about something -- most of the time, even things they don't know about. We are all the same. If we don't like something, we say it. If we do, we say it, too. Sometimes I am also part of the bad people who thinks passively when someone failed. Maybe because I know it is not good or it is just too good to be for someone, etcetera. I mean, I am not that harsh and I know how to balance my feelings (e.g anger and self-pity over someone). When someone failed and I know someone did his or her best, then maybe I shall give someone nice words but if I see someone failed and I know someone didn't take it seriously hence the failure then maybe I would say sad words over the situation. I do this to my very close friends because I know they would understand and they wouldn't take it as offense. Also, I do it to myself. [But in a different form like buying myself some lollipops or ice cream, perhaps. Sometimes, none.]

I always try my best at everything. Sometimes it isn't that obvious but I do work on it. So when I commit failure, I wonder what other people have to say. I have had failures over the years and I get nice words, uplifting words from people most of the time. I'd like to think they really believed in me. Those nice words are just to level-off sadness and thank you for those.

Failures are signs that you tried your best. That you believed in yourself that you can do it but something is lacking so you lose focus. But I am sure next time you could fill in what is lacking and you're good to go.

I don't deserve to give this advice for I am a girl who has commited failures a lot but I think from what I firmly believe: stop caring about other people's opinion of you. Those good type, embrace those and be thankful for they add that spirit of motivation in you. Those type that seems to hinder you from what you are doing, bitch slap those and walk away from them. They are distractions from what you are doing. If you do something, focus on it and convince the universe that you are worthy to get a prize. Whatever the result is, accept. Yet, acceptance is another story.

November 30, 2011

Missed Connection: Project plan, cute guy, almost-transparent

One afternoon when no one was in our home but me, I decided to bum around the house just wearing an almost-transparent white sando and a grey mini short -- all cotton. My hair was messy for I only comb my hair every after shower. I watched tv like a boss. I didn't mind how I looked for no one was around and the only eyes that can see me were that of our three talking Mynah birds who alternatively whistles "witwew" also says "pangit pangit pangit" for no reason.

Anyway, I was watching TV when suddenly you knocked on our green metal gate. Of course, I was annoyed for the show was exciting and I can't pause it. I needed to go outside to check who you are but I also needed to go upstairs to get a shirt and a normal short for I dressed like those girls in FHM (well, not really hahaha). But you knocked loudly so I decided to just go out and hide behind the gate just so you'd shut up and to get back to the program as quickly as possible. I was so embarrased but the only thing that mattered was the tv show (hahaha) so I needed to finish you fast! Did it sound right? Hahaha

So there I was talking to you behind the gate. You asked if my brother was around and I said no. You gave me a roll of paper. I think it is a project plan for my brother. That time I think I forgot how I looked, I moved from behind the gate and held the paper. As I was looking at the paper, I noticed your voice got shaky and when I looked at you, your eyes were downwards while telling me what the paper was about. I realized you saw how I really looked when I am sleeping. Almost-transparent white sando, mini shorts and messy hair. Although the hair didn't really matter but hahaha dammmmn boy. I am so sorry.

I was laughing all alone even though I was watching a drama show. Until now I still laugh whenever I remember it. I wonder if you delivered another project plan to my brother after that day. If you did, I wonder if you still remember that afternoon and the way I looked.

Needless to say, you are cute. Hahaha

November 27, 2011

Sadly, I'm sad

How I really am
when I say
I'm really sad?

How am I?
Really sad.
Sad, really sad.

I am really sad
when I say I'm
really sad. 

November 26, 2011

Magazine Holder

This is not really a do-it-yourself. It is more like a re-make of an old living room furniture. I was once a magazine addict. I always buy at least one mag per month. Those were the times when I cared so much about my favorite mainstream local artists. For years, all the magazines I bought were piled in one corner of the room. It looked so messy. Until my brother bought a magazine holder so our visitors could read something in the living room. Also, for the sake of having a cleaner area. It lasted only for a year. I stopped caring about those people so I stopped buying magazines (Good to know, right?) From then, nobody cared so much about the magazine holder. After 5 years, I decided to give away the magazines and leave some behind. Also, clean the magazine holder and add color to it.

It stayed inside a large cabinet, dusty for years. The fabric is not in a good condition at all.

So, I decided to wash and paint it. Adding colors to fabric is fun. I used Burnt Sienna for the outline and Vermilion (and a little bit of Lemon Yellow) for the fabric. Spent the whole Friday afternoon just painting. It looked good to me. 

Yay for the happy colors! Now, I am ready to make my own magazine and put it in our "new" magazine holder! I've been wanting to make my own mag for years. I will work on it! :)

November 24, 2011

Tarsius: Primate

I am such a big fan of Diego Mapa's music: Eggboy and the dangerous band, Pedicab! When I heard that he is working on a new project, I got too excited because I knew I would love it! 

Tarsius is Diego Mapa and Jay Gapasin (Radioactive sago project). Wala na akong ibang masabi, ang sarap lang talaga pakinggan. Nakakawala ng stress! Hahaha I asked some people to describe the band's music in three words:

My favorites are Deathless Gods, E.S.P., Black Saturday, Whirling Dervish and Association Dues! Congratulations, Tarsius!! This is the earliest gift I've received for Christmas! Hahaha Thank you!!

November 23, 2011

Giving into sadness

It is a funny fact that even if I think I am strong enough to face a problem, I find myself going to a familiar dark path, eventually get lost and wait to be rescued. But it doesn't happen all the time -- usually when I encounter new things.

When you feel sad, would you give into sadness or divert to other things? I usually give into sadness. Even if I wanted to go to the other side, I just can't seem to find peace when I know there's war going on somewhere in my heart. I admire people who have the ability to divert and erase whatever feeling they want to forget. If you're one of them, please teach me how.

Do you also feel like, when you're really sad, you are indirectly placed in a familiar place in mind? You are crying in your room, trying to recall everything that happened and then eventually you are in a state where it seems like everything just hurts. You feel helpless and then you cry more. This time, loudly.

Feels kind of weird sharing this personal thing on the internet. I don't know why in the world am I typing this hahaha. Hello internet, I just told you how I really am when I am really sad. You're welcome.

November 21, 2011

Speaking of dreams

We often think our dreams are too wild that it is impossible to let it happen; that it is better off inside our head because it is too good to be true and because we think it is impossible in the first place, there's a chance we wouldn't reach that dream at all. It may seem kind of a blur at first but when you really work out on it, you will get what you have dreamed of. Sometimes it may not be what you wanted in the first place. It could be a new output or a different kind but when you know you've done enough and you're happy with what you've got, you know it is something to be proud of. The hardest part in life is working on what you really want because oftentimes the world gives us difficult challenges to get a prize, which is your dream.

It just needs a little push, stretch and determination to get whatever you want.

November 20, 2011

I want to know if you are real

There is unexplainable excitement whenever
I talk to you. Especially because you say
the things I least hear every day. We
share stories and experiences; trying to
let each other feel the emotions we had
back in the days. There's fun when I'm
with you. Do you feel the same way, too?
Clueless, why I still talk to you. When I
know we can never be in the same place.
Though I hope one day in the future, it
wouldn't really matter if you are not what
you are today, I just want to see the person
who I talk to almost every night. I want
to know if you are real.

November 19, 2011

Blog Challenge: How you hope your future will be like

I would like my future to be more adventurous; have tight relationships with a lover and a small number of friends, be busy at work but have time for other things; spend free afternoons baking cookies, cake and others; own a small house even if I am not married yet; design my own house; own a small store be it a coffee shop, boutique, flower shop, or anything; design my own shop; own a space on the internet; publish all these entries in a book; ...

With no specific place to spend all these things yet, I would like my future to be stable in a happy place. Just because it is a happy place doesn't mean I wouldn't like to face problems. I know there is a copious amount of problems waiting for me but living in a happy place -- being with people I love and being surrounded with people who are nice -- would make everything fine.

November 18, 2011

Life would be easier if I were smarter

I have always thought I'm smart (haha) but when I entered college, it was a little different. I became the not-so-smart-academically person and I'm okay with it. But sometimes I get frustrated thinking that my batchmates are graduating very soon [some even have work] and here I am still a student, trying to figure out engineering stuff and of course, art. Though I'm not really good at making art, I still force myself to make things that make me happy. Since engineering kind of makes me feel sad at times. Art is there to balance my feelings.

Anyway, back in the days when my sister was in college and I was in elementary, I teased her for having failing grades. I never knew engineering was hard. Now I understand how in the world she failed her subjects. She was not even mad at me before. Maybe when I exclaimed that I'm going to take engineering, she laughed mentally because she knew it's hard and I'm going to have failing subjects. Hahaha Well, fair enough. I guess I'm going to stay a little longer in my university.

November 13, 2011

Be crazy and go wild once in a while

It's been a long time since I went to some adventure. Getting drunk with the same people in the circle. Sometimes double shots. Then it gets blurry. Then it gets better. Good times!

Feels weird reminiscing -- the number of drunk nights we've had -- all alone. Not even a drink to accompany me. Everyone's busy, even myself.

I try to convince myself that going wild doesn't mean going to adventures in places far away from where I am. Since my schedule for this semester requires more time bonding with real-life situations, I will try to incorporate wild adventures to real-life (e.g. projects and all that) adventures. I hope this time I will finish everything.

November 11, 2011

Diet Mtn Dew, baby, NYC mix

This has nothing to do with NYC nor Justin Beiber (what haha). One time while having dinner, I was drinking Mountain Dew and surprisingly hummed Lana Del Rey's Diet Mtn Dew. Then I thought of making a mix with that song in it. The reason why I took a photo of my bottle that night! I am trying to come up with a theme for this but I just can't think of something and I'm too excited to publish my creativity (what haha) Anyway, I ended up listening to songs which seem to speak about boys, love and all that stuff.

Lana Del Rey - Diet Mtn Dew
Wild Child - Pillow Talk
Lykke Li - Unchained Melody
Ingrid Michealson - Creep
Cults - You Know What I Mean
Best Coast - When I'm With You
Flight Facilities - Crave You (Ft. Giselle)
Beach House - Heart Of Chambers

November 9, 2011

50 no handed bike moves

The only thing that I never crossed out on my To Do List for semester break is: Learn how to ride a bike.

I don't know how to ride a bike and I blame myself so much for not exerting effort. Even though my mother never wanted me to ride a bike in the first place. She should be blamed! Hahahaha but then, I never should have listened to her -- like what my other siblings did. I have 5 siblings and among us it is I who don't know how to balance on a bike. Poor me.

Anyway, this video displays 50 no handed bike moves. My favorites are: The Archer, The Letter Writer, The Swimmer, The Graceful Swan, The Smoker, The Cup Of Tea, The Olympic Swimmer, The Canoe & The Mime.

Ninian Doff, the one who made the video, said that I should learn (how to ride a bike) today! I have a whole lifetime to learn how and I am definitely not going to die unless I have done biking. I swear! :P

November 7, 2011

The soft glow of sunset

The sky effortlessly tells me to slow down a little bit especially during sunset. It has been a long day and maybe a productive one.

November 6, 2011

Just the right amount of sunlight

One thing I enjoy waking up early in the morning is seeing my curtains glow brightly. The sunlight that passes through it just feels so magical. It is telling me something good about my day. Something positively strong. It gives me strength to face the day for whatever comes my way. It's that light through the window curtains in that very corner of the room that says stay calm and take it easy. For when I get home by the time the sun has already set, I begin to hope for another morning full of excitement, curiousity, bravery and positivity.

November 5, 2011

It’s always wonderful to find a piece of home.

I have never found comfort anywhere in the world except our home. Part of me wants to be somewhere else and build a comfort zone but another part of me is afraid to go out and face errors.

I always cling to my siblings ever since my parents left us behind. I always attach myself to people who never really cared in the first place because I am afraid to go out there and face the world on my own. I have no other choice. Funny because whenever something big will happen, I feel so brave to face whatever it is but when the time comes, I easily feel weary. I swear I'm a brave girl but when I'm faced with the reality -- the things that really matter in life -- I feel less fueled.

For the past years, an ice cream, a cheap cake, a hug or anything that makes me happy are considered a piece of home. When it's gone, I have nothing. It always goes back to finding something. Nothing permanent. Really sad.

Last night, I was thinking of possibilities. A lot of 'what ifs' were conveyed. Then, it went down to what if the time comes when I really need to go out of my comfort zone? How would I know when...? What would my feelings be? It is always scary to think about the future.

Glad that I have a family who understands my situation. For now, they're my piece of home.

November 4, 2011

Watching the rain while trying to make a decision

Watching the rain
Trying to make a decision
Caught up in the middle
Darkness filled the space

Looking through the window
Humming a sound
Smelled the rain
Head ache drifted away

Still looking for an answer
Birds trying to help
They said something to me
I said, "I don't know how!"

Who am I kidding?
"You wouldn't know unless you try!"
"You can do it!"
"You just need to fly!"

"Follow you heart,"
"it will lead you the way."
Fucking stupid.

The rain ain't helping or
it caused too much thinking.
I must go to bed and make
that decision with the sunlight instead.

November 3, 2011

Please slow down a little bit.

Remember what it feels like to be a kid? No worries, less complications, more surprises! I miss those days when I wake up not thinking about what things to do first but instead thinking about what is there to do? What games to play? Should I buy a new paper doll or watch Cartoon Network/Nickelodeon/Disney Channel all day? Those times when my mother tell me stories about my siblings until I fall asleep. When I get home from school, I don't mind of other people so I can focus on my homework.

Everything is not the same. Ah, life! I never thought you'd be so hard to live sometimes but I'm not complaining! In fact, I find you beautiful! Thank you! I just wish you'll slow down a little bit.

November 1, 2011

Au Revoir Simone

All photos by Google Images

The first song I've heard from these girls is Stars. Then I got hooked. They're just so cute to ignore. Everytime I listen to them, I feel calmed. Their songs make me feel loved by no one. It may sound weird; I find it weird, too! But feeling a little less lonely and a little more happy out of nowhere is good. At least, I get to have peace of mind.

Am I making sense? I hope so. I hope you get what I feel. I just love all their songs. And it is so hard to explain just how much I love this band.  :)

P.S. Their website is too cute!

October 31, 2011

Sometimes, you just need to get lost in order to find yourself.

Hahaha it makes me giggle everytime I read that sentence. Why? Because I am experiencing that now. Why do I always have to learn things the hard way? 

It is surprising how life puts the jokes on me. I was not expecting something so big to happen just so I could wake up and face how wrong my life was. Okay, wrong is a strong word to describe it (perhaps, really rude) but those things (not all, just some) in the past really wasn't right. More like losing edge of everything. I'm glad it happened though because if not I wouldn't be able to change my pace at all. That is from not right to less wrong -- at least.

Some things to put in mind:

First, get out of the situation when people gets too negative. Because if not, you will find yourself being negative, too. Example: gossip. Second, I am guilty of talking about how irritated and annoyed I am at one person. And knowing some people feel the same way, too, somehow makes me calm. But it is just wrong. I am sorry for being so frank. I should give them chances and be patient and understand that they are born that way. Instead of babbling about how annoying they are, just understand them and get off that. Third, learn not to get too attached to some things and some people. You never get that mutual feeling always. Sometimes you find yourself very sad because you're not part of other peoples' plans and shit like that. My friends have friends, you know. Haha

I just can't explain how at ease I am from getting lost for a while. That was months, bro. And that was tough. Just follow your mind and heart and when you get lost at one point, let it be. You're not going to be lost for the rest of your life if you will just take time for yourself to realize things. This doesn't require a large amount of time nor instant amount. You just need to be patient and solve that puzzle. Life is a jigsaw puzzle and you're too old enough to solve it. It must be very easy for you. Just believe. :)

October 30, 2011

Basilica Minore del Sto. Nino

This photo is taken on April 2009 when we had a family vacation in Cebu. It was my first time in Cebu City. On our second day, we visited seven churches because my sister said that when visiting a new place, you should visit seven churches in that place.

One of the seven churches we've visited is the Basilica Minore del Santo Nino. It is the oldest church in Cebu and the oldest church I've been to! Inside, you get to see old paintings and sculptures. Also, there's a store that sells rosaries, bibles among others.

Early this year, I went to visit Cebu City again and on my last day, I made sure to visit this church and have a time for prayer and myself. There's something about going inside an old church. It makes me feel special and thankful for my life even if it is not that grand.

October 29, 2011

Holga Micro-110 (2nd film)

For my second roll of film! 

That kid was looking at me when I was about to push the button but I guess I was too slow.  

Taken inside the jeepney going to school. The girl in the opposite side was looking at me while sneeking through Holga's mini viewfinder. I bet she thought I was crazy or maybe she has a thing for lomography, too.

A window from an old classroom. I kind of miss this place. Back in 3rd year college, I had countless naps here. Sometimes I gather chairs and sleep and didn't care what other people think about me -- sleeping in a uniform, facing the electric fan. There were times when we just hang out, watch videos on-line and play cards and do our projects and other stuff. It was a "free room" for everybody but mostly engineering. I wish they didn't turn this into an air-conditioned room.


On my way home. Hello, cat!

I have a thing for clouds. Back when I was kid, I thought people can stopover in the clouds while traveling in a plane. Heh.
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